Walking Feet

My toddler goes to a daycare/pre-school 5 days a week while my husband and I work. At first, I was devastated that my poor baby boy was going to have to be left in the hands of strangers and deprived of all the love he needs (I was feeling a bit dramatic at the moment and had just read a CNN story about a school that had been caught duct taping toddlers to their cots). We had tried god parents and other stay at home moms, but ultimately to daycare we went. I have to say, a year later, I couldn’t be happier. The socialization that he gets with being around other children, the excitement of seeing mom and dad, and most of all the pride he takes in showing us what he learned have been amazing. We have gotten rave reviews from his teachers and doctor; he is advancing ahead of the curve, he is very happy, doesn’t eat or really care for mush sugar, and is way too cute for his own good. He knows it too, he will run up to you and be adorable before taking your hand, leading you to where he wants, and using his developing vocabulary to tell you what he wants.

We have however run into a little trouble with “walking feet”. Walking feet is the term the daycare uses to tell him to stop running, a term he is determined not to learn. When we pick him up we get kind of the side jokes, oh he is the fastest kid in class (mind you he is a little less than 2 in a class of 2 and 3 year olds) and the gentle chastising of his time outs for not listening and his frequent running and running into the other kids. I understand the safety issues with him running around, not just for him but the other kids, and how as a teacher one running kid and 12 walking ones pose a problem. Yet, I still I am almost a bit saddened by him having to learn Walking Feet. When I go to pick him up from daycare he lights up, yells MAMA, runs and flings himself into my arms. That moment of pure joy is often the best part of my day.

Yesterday when I saw him about to break into a run to see me I told him “Wait, Walking Feet!” and for once, he listened and walked to me. I told him good job, we high fived and hugged, but part of me was crushed. My little man, who is not even two, is already learning to walk and not run into his mother’s arms.

Why is it that every milestone they hit is a bittersweet reminder that time is fleeting and you can never get your precious moments back?

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The Road To Happiness

I have finally come to realize where a lot of my self-doubts, worries, and stressors come from; Other People. As you cannot get rid of Other People unless you choose to hermit yourself in your home and cut off all communication, I have developed my own little mantra, to keep me on the straight and narrow when Other People try to knock me off:

The road to happiness is paved with…Earplugs.

Seriously… That’s it.

I could have made it more exciting, such as paving it with boxing gloves, trip wires, or whoopee cushions, but all of that takes more energy and ultimately means that you are taking a detour from your own happiness to respond to Other People’s unhappiness. I know the ‘just ignore them and they will leave you alone’ speech is old and teens everywhere are rolling their eyes knowing that no, ignoring the bullies will not make them go away, but this is not about bullies. This is simply about Other People, your general, run of the mill people that you find dragging you down. In their own right they may be being a little bit of a bully, but it’s more of their negative attitude and exclusivity clause of who they are willing to acknowledge in the world that make them Other People.

You may be wondering where all of this came from and where I am going with this, so let me just start with a BBQ I attended. I should preface this and say that where I live, I am a minority, which yes does play a role in all this. I live in a place full of culture and close knit communities, which I love, but can leave me a bit on the outside at times.

This BBQ was a ladies & children only event and out of 50+ people I knew the guest of honor, the ones throwing it and 3 or 4 guests. For me, not knowing a lot of people has never been a problem. I am very sociable, and I mean VERY. I love talking to new people, making friends, and making people laugh. To say I am a people person would be a bit of an understatement as I have realized that I am The people’s person in that my happiness and actions are usually motivated by making those around me happy. In fact when I took a Big Five quiz as part of a phycology class it pretty much said that I am too talkative and outgoing, dependent on others for happiness, and have a Martyr Complex…Gee Thanks.

But I digress, so back on story, I go to this BBQ and regardless of my smiles, hi’s and attempts to engage eye contact or even a brief exchange of word I am ignored. I don’t just mean like they didn’t notice me, more like blatantly ignored. They would look at me, I would smile and attempt a small wave or high and they would pointedly look in another direction or walk away. This of course does not include the guest of honor or the ones throwing the party, but they of course were busy, as anyone who has thrown a party knows that you don’t get to party at your own party. But almost all of the other guests had not a minute to spare for me, or my adorable toddler, I say almost all because there were a couple of elder gals that couldn’t help but pat him on the head as he cruised by. I was hurt and left after an hour with tears in my eyes. Why I had found this shocking is a wonder too me as this was not my first rodeo, over the past 4 years I have been to many gatherings and have experience the “you don’t belong here” cold shoulder many a times. I think this one got to me more because my husband and all the females husbands were not there. When I attend gatherings with my husband, I can at least guarantee I will have him to talk to, and usually he and his friends introduce me to the friend’s wives, and out of social courtesy if nothing else, they exchange a few pleasantries before running away. But without the husbands around the referee the encounter, many women want nothing to do with me. I say many because I have met some wonderful women who care nothing about the way I look, or that I was not born here, the guest of honor of this BBQ especially. Unfortunately, I have found the acceptance is about a 50/50 crap shoot and even some of those that have determined that I fit the local bill took a while to warm up to me being around.

So now that that story is done, I get to the lesson I learned. When I came home upset my husband, who has never cared what others think, just said “Psshh…Never mind them anyway” and he is right. Never mind them, most I will never see again, and those that I do see again are clearly not worth my time and efforts. It seems finally, after 4 years of living on an island and however many years of life, I have learned that sometimes you just need to put in the earplugs and ignore what they say (or don’t say). I know that this does not just affect me an most people will find themselves on the outside looking in at some point or other. To them I say, ‘never mind them anyway’, don’t lose your social graces because they lost theirs, and if they dont have anything nice to say or anything to say at all, ignore it and move on to the next person. There may be many who rebuff you, but I have found that mixed in will all the people that dont have a care for you there are always those who will make the best of friends. They may be, like yourself, also feeling a bit like an outsider and would love some company.

At the end of the day I am walking down my road of happiness and have brought plenty of earplugs to share. ; )

For your own Fun, I included a link to the Big Five Quiz:

http://similarminds.com/bigfive.html

It’s A start

Welcome to Brei’z Way! Or should I start with welcoming myself first?

“Welcome, Self, to Brei’z Way”

It is afterall my first day on the Blog.

So welcome all, myself included, to the new Brei’z Way Blog. Whether the name has been derived from the tangible Breeze Way as some sort of metaphor that this blog will help shelter myself, yourself, or others from the winds of life or more simply a statment that this blog is all about My Way has yet to be seen and/or determind. Where this is going, where this is coming from, and what this journey will hold are unknown.

This is quite simply a Blog, Brei’z Way Blog to be specific, but other than that, your guess is as good as mine.

Till I see you again on the Brei’z Way,

Brei